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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been often taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends drifted away at that point, as they were drawn to the spouse. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have understood better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, but I am finding my role in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce subjects but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses unyielding views. My effort is to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She is planning a vacation abroad I've visited repeatedly even called home previously. I tried to offer advice, yet it was not welcomed. She really solely sought validation of her plans. I have returned from a month in that place and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she can comprehend the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, yet this is not often the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. It should be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two involves sharing how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement here. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Finally involves requesting how the two of you will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably effective in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss everything, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative of their life they cannot let go of because their very survival is tied to it and it's all they trust. This is difficult as there is no clear path here, mere obstacles. But she may initially present like this before reflecting about what you've said. And should you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you satisfaction that you've been truthful.